my son is 13. Last may, ( 2008 ) after months of asking me to go live with his dad I gave in and let him go live there.( I had full custody his dad never showed at the hearings so he didn't even have court ordered visitation. We just worked things out between us which was whenever his dad called or our son wanted to go see his dad he went. In may I signed a paper saying we could have joint custody and his dad would have residential custody so that our son could live there. i didn't want my son to resent me and I wanted to do what was best for him at the moment, that is why I let him go.) anyways,His dad lives in Pennsylvania and I live in NY. There is a 120 mile distance between us. It devastated me. My son is my world. He is my only child. Well recently my son got into some trouble at his school in PA and was suspended for 2 weeks from school. He has been late/ absent to school several times. His dad won't show me his report cards or give me a password to look online at my son's grades with the school website. I have emailed his teachers several times but noone gets back to me except 4 the time I kept calling and leaving messages on the teachers voicemails. I found out about 1 conference and went and my son is failing 3 classes. my son recently gave me the password to have access to the schools website so I could check on how things are at school for him and I contacted the assistant principal and asked if he could notify me if anything was occuring w/ my son as far as getting into trouble or missing school, grades, etc. Since my son is getting into trouble and his grades are slipping and besides the fact I miss him so very much i want him home. The trouble is I can't afford a lawyer I'm paying my sons dad $85 per week that's the minimum in PA and now i'm only bringing home $340 for 2 weeks work full time 37.5 hours per week. if it wasn't for my fiance paying most of the bills I don't know how I would survive. I have contacted a lawyer in NY and she can't help me because the case is in PA and I have contacted legal aid in NY they can't help either . They have asked PA legal aid services to help me but they doubt they will cause I live in NY. Does anyone know how I could get some legal help for this? ( i can't even come up with the down payment I have asked everyone I know:( ) I don't know what to do but I have to do something to make sure my son will be back on the right track. Thank you for helping me, Please no negative stuff I am a good mom just want what is best for my kid.
Talk to family/social services. If you can show that your ex is not providing the necessary guidance, the states should step in to help. It is their job to do what's best for the child. Furthermore, schools have an obligation to keep BOTH divorced parents informed! Your situation sounds very much like the one I had with my son, but we were not miles apart, luckily. All you should have to do is show how your son was doing well or even ok with you & the changes that have happened since he moved away. It's very important to stop your son's negative behavior a.s.a.p. There could very well be some drug issues going on that nobody is about to tell you. Good luck.
Contact CPS in PA. Maybe they can learn the real reason for the boy's behaviors.
it would be nice if you would talk respectfully and in an adult manner to his father. get in the dang car and drive there and see both of them and the 3 of you get together and handle this. lawyers, courts, teachers, hey woman, here is the fact, he has a father and a mother, if they would talk to each other for the boys best interests, guess what, a plan could be hatched. many boys need their fathers in their teen years, and some will fail school because they just dont care about it.
the fact that you are being shut out, uh, is this because of something you yourself have done? if so, apologize.
why cant he live with his father and the two of you both monitor his grades. that would mean you would have to get along and be considerate and mature.
that would mean you might have to spend each and every day off driving 120 miles to help him with his homework, imagine that! no more dates for you for a while, this is more important, his whole life depends on it. you let him move, now you are going to have to deal with the consequences. if you dont deal with it now, you will never ever stop dealing with it.
i dont care what you do, my son is 26 and i did 24/7 whatever !!! it took to make SURE he grew up into a fine young man, now it is your turn. this is not about you. this is about him.
again, i am only going by what you wrote. you were married and had a kid with this guy. too bad both of you cant act like adults and do what is best for this kid. that is your most important objective right now.
i am truly not wanting to upset you or get down on you, however, there has to be some way to change the attitudes of confrontation and rejection and put those aside for the boys good. he will see that and will respond. this affects him in a negative way, and, seems selfish and self centered of you.
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